~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~

Smudged

Sometimes three months of stress is relentless,
with a list of priorities all competing to be first I address.

I have cared for a teething now-eighteen week old puppy,
and resigned from a cafe job where I made mug after mug of great coffee.

Adjusting to five AM early rises and ‘good night’ at nine,
in a middle-of-summer heatwave keeping us all hiding inside.

This heart still leaking grief for a dog we recently lost,
in relationships strained by how much living now costs.

Distanced from friends to minimise sharing my damage,
monthly therapy for this messy mind I am struggling to manage.

Three birthdays, Christmas, New Year, and cousin’s birth missed with family in another state,
and I am not sure anymore how to connect with any parts of my life that remain.

I read and watch, clean, care and think, listen, feel and then sleep,
and not much energy has been free to enjoy my interests or capture these lessons creatively.

I have tried to look at my life from different angles in search of light and love,
and someday this phase will be more than an indecipherable existence of feeling irreversibly smudged.

©2024 Danielle N Bilski