~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~
oh, wounded bird
i see you
seeking shelter from a hurricane:
feathers drenched /
eye swollen /
heart exploding /
wing broken.
come inside
you are not alone now
i will lay beside you while
feathers dry +
swellings subside
your pulse neutralises +
as many times as you need me to
i will remind
your wings
they never, never forget
how to fly.
©2021 My Time With You
~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~
dear hope,
i fought.
i fought so hard.
it took everything.
everything.
i was hollowed.
standing.
in pain.
against fears.
despite.
my weaknesses.
in tears.
you.
you, hope.
pulled me through.
here.
because of you.
i am strong.
i am stronger.
finally.
i realised why.
virtuous.
like you promised.
a truth.
purpose of life.
we are light.
we are golden.
come.
let me show them.
how you taught me.
to write.
in hope.
for hope.
hoping.
to be seen alive.
©2021 My Time With You
~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~
People have said to me (like it is a fault, a weakness), ‘I know you do not cope well with change’, but they misunderstand and it is not the change that I am averse to, that makes me anxious and unsettled. It is what I am losing that matters to me and that the space that gets filled or is left gaping, will cause harm, because it has happened to me. More than once in my life, if fact, more than twice when I think about it. People who taught and supported me have left at a critical time.
When I was four, my kindergarten teacher left. I appeared in the local newspaper, photographed kissing her on the cheek – a farewell immortalized and publicized.
At sixteen, when my VCE politics teacher left halfway through term, my interest waned.
Last July, as we entered a fourteen week COVID-19 lockdown, my manager of two years left and the person who replaced him made me feel unsupported and lost my trust, before and after my Nana passed away. Countless others have left my life over the years. I survived. We all have people who give us more than the rest. For me, Nana’s space is particularly immense.
On the sixteenth day before last Christmas, I read the tribute at her funeral. One of my biggest teachers of all, left me in December 2020. I knew that day was not far away (she was ninety six), but there is still a space. There will always be her space, now.
So, no. It is not change that I do not deal well with. I feel deeply, so I mourn my losses with the respect they deserve. Nothing is permanent, I know. Which is why losing time with these people, the space they created in my life, matters even more.
People who say that I ‘do not cope well with change’, they underestimate my heart and my capacity to love. It is anything but a weakness. In fact, quite the opposite – strong enough to keep caring, eternally. Yes, change is inevitable. My love is infinite. I am proud of that.
I give you space.
I know you will leave.
I love you. Always.
©2021 My Time With You
~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~
gather
all of your pain/
throw
it at a white wall/
look
at its impression/
then,
leave
the room and never return/
paint
the wall all white again/
or,
sell
tickets to the exhibition.
©2021 My Time With You