~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~

Today I visited mytimewithyou.com.au successfully for the first time in months. I say ‘successfully’, because I have made attempts to access the domain periodically over the past year and there has been an issue with the server which I kept forgetting to pursue a resolution to the recurring error. I guess I visited the site so infrequently by this stage that it wasn’t until the next time I tried to access it that I realised I still couldn’t view the expanse of eight plus years of content (nor add more content to it, which was the primary intention). It’s just not the same adding to the offline backup. Even though I’m the only one who knows I’ve posted something new on the website, it still feels more legitimate to me. Like the puzzle is being gradually completed, ready for discovery by anyone at any time throughout the process.

Nevertheless, the error has finally been remembered and resolved. Being able to re-read some of my last posts today has been like finding the keys you misplaced to a locked door to your favourite room which contains your most precious possessions. You know they’re safe inside the room, but there are some more items you have collected that you are eager to add to the treasure chest and you’re curious about reconnecting with those valuable articles you’ve held with such precious regard. For me, they are mostly made of words crafted by keystrokes in a monochromatic tapestry of memories and my imagination.

I knew it had been a long time since my last addition, but not an entire year! Fifty four weeks to be exact and a lot of has changed in my life since then. First and foremost, I’m in a much more peaceful, present and free place full of compassion and gratitude. The same month I posted ‘121. Missing’ in August 2017, my world opened up when I was offered an opportunity to volunteer at an annual, ten-day community event. It was the chance to meet new people, immerse myself in helping others and took me out of my comfort zone with unexpected rewards. Among these, I met keynote literary guests I have admired and never dreamed I would be talking face to face with in my lifetime. I will never forget the gifts that week gave to me.

This time also marked a year since I graduated from university and the better part of two years seeking my first employment position in four years. I still remember the week before this new job opportunity revealed itself. I distinctly remember saying to a family member something like ‘I’m so sick of this’ and demanding things changed soon, because I’d had enough. The following week the answer came and I haven’t looked back. In fact, for the first four months or so, I would say a quiet ‘thank you’ at the beginning of my work and even many times throughout. I had known the student and unemployed life for so long, there was no way I would ever take this position for granted. During my long job search, I remember writing down one sentence in the middle of a piece of lined paper. I still have it in my notes somewhere. It was an intention to ‘find a job that I enjoy and that allows me to help others.’ That’s where my values lay then and still do now. I can honestly say, I enjoy my job and even if I’m not helping people directly in my role, having the job and financial freedom has allowed me to help those around me and causes I feel passionate about.

This month marks nine months since I commenced my job and being able to access the website now, one year since my last post has given me the time to focus on new things without any restriction or self-surveillance. It almost created the distance from me and my creativity so I could spend some time focused on a simple, carefree existence. I went to work, shopped for groceries (which is still a thrill to afford the fresh food I mindfully nourish my body and soul with), washed clothes and rested as much as I needed to on a weekly schedule that allows me to work as much as I can, but also not taking more of my time than I would like. The balance is right and means that whenever I am at work, I can give one hundred percent the majority of the time rather than feeling burnt out. The most creative I am in my spare time is through reading, taking some photographs for my Instagram page and experimenting with new smoothie recipes.

It hasn’t been a completely flawless year, as I did get sick a few times leading into and at the beginning of Winter. I still have moments of doubt and anxiety, but they are less frequent than ever before. Also, multiple members of my family have been dealing with some difficult times this year. I have given my support, but I haven’t got lost in the worry like I have in previous years. Over time I’ve realised that love is helpful, but worrying about things outside of my control doesn’t help anyone. (Being in a better place myself right now obviously makes it easier to put it all in the right perspective.) Looking for the positive in every situation really does become a choice when you do it enough and the benefits are tenfold. ‘Positive vibes only’ is such a powerful, life-changing affirmation. I have no space in my life for bad news every day when I’m focused on collecting the magical beauty in the world, despite life’s challenges.

I also don’t want to miss out on capturing a couple of other special roles I have been so incredibly grateful to fulfill this year. Having become an auntie to my most beautiful little nephew – who I love more than I can express in words and who I look forward to being one of my readers one day – on my birthday I was also asked to become his godmother. What an amazing gift and privilege. I certainly don’t take it lightly.  Also, for the first time in my life, I was a bridesmaid for a very precious person in my life who has been there through it all. It was an absolute thrill to watch the couple’s relationship grow after being involved in their meeting and to then be honoured by being able to celebrate their union and special day so closely. I will never forget it and I can’t thank them enough. The moment they asked me was a very profound time and way in itself. That was a moment in mid-2017 when I needed to feel of some purpose and they gave me that gift. I will be forever grateful.

I can honestly say that I have become the person I always wanted to be. I completed the course of higher education I always wanted, and many times compelled and even pleaded with myself to see through to the end. I look at my degree hanging on the wall whenever I need a reminder of how far I have come. I have let go of and resolved issues from the past that were holding me back. I’m free to fill my time however I want to now, and I have moments and memories to cherish with people who mean the most to me – from my most compassionate mum and my supportive and loving partner, to our gorgeous dog, my sweet brother, beautiful sister-in-law and darling nephew, to my extraordinary nana, amazing auntie and generous uncles, incomparable cousin and wonderful cousin-in-law, and my hard-working dad, to the most inspiring and unconditional friends. Although our time together is limited and relatively infrequent these days with all such different schedules and some geographical distance, you are all people I’m so unbelievably lucky to have in my life. I want to thank each and every one of you and sincerely wish you all the happiest and most peaceful days, with love always.

I now have a job I enjoy, working with great people and I don’t have to bring home any work with me, ever. The moment I start work, I am present, grateful and kind. I am happy. I am free. I spent an entire year working on my fitness prior to starting this job and being a physical position, I had unknowingly prepared myself for it for twelve months prior. Now, I continue to both see and feel the physical and psychological benefits of spending my workday constantly moving, without having to undertake additional exercise outside of work unless I want to. It’s literally my perfect job! I’m proud to work for the company I work for and with an awesome team. I can show my skills and have room to learn and grow. I couldn’t ask for more right now, honestly. I gain so much more from my work week than the paycheck. I feel like the main thing the money allows me is the ability to keep myself healthy and to do things I wasn’t able to do for many years. It still feels quite new, which is wonderful. I don’t want to forget how lucky I am now, because I’ve experienced having a lot less and I have the perspective of what I need to survive and to be happy.

I haven’t been writing very often, but I have collected so many life-affirming moments; continued to capture my time with you in photographs; been carried away by other people’s stories; and lived every day, unburdened. I continue to learn, grow and improve. But this place, this place I’m in right now, is glorious. It is filled with abundance. I know how much it has taken to make it here and that makes it even more sacred. I am complete. I am light and positive. I have experience and wisdom, emotion and inspiration to take me forward into the future – whatever it holds – because I know I have received everything I wanted, eventually. The moment I stopped expecting anything and started opening up myself with sincere gratitude to everything, stopped placing judgement on things and trying to control everything, the flow of things I began to attract happened at the right time and in beautifully surprising ways.

I’m sure this post will become more significant when it is read in close succession with all of the others that proceeded it. It has been a long nine years!

On a final and no less significant note, on the 4th August 2018, mytimewithyou.com.au turned NINE! It has been kept alive, although it is looking quite slim these days. I want to consider it another way: understandably with age, the posts have become a lot more independent. Yet, as the final year of single digits begins, there is always a lot to fit in before the first decade ticks over.

I have read some life-changing books throughout my degree and thereafter – from ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ by Anne Frank, ‘The Book Thief’ by Marcus Zusak, ‘Mao’s Last Dancer’ by Li Cunxin to ‘Atonement’ by Ian McEwan and ‘Mrs Dalloway’ by Virginia Woolf, just to name a few. I currently have about six books on the go at the moment including ‘Big Magic’ by Elizabeth Gilbert, ‘The Power of One’ by Bryce Courtenay, ‘The Picture of Dorain Gray’ by Oscar Wilde, ‘The Battlers’ by Kylie Tennant, the fifth book of the ‘Tomorrow’ series by John Marsden, and ‘A Long Way Gone’ by Ismael Beah. Plus I’m into the second part of ‘War and Peace’ by Leo Tolstoy which I started a few years ago.

The reading and learning won’t end, but it is time to find my own words now. Here I am in the tenth year of this collection and the keys to an unlocked door are at my fingertips. Oh, the wonders to be found.

A quote that resonated so deeply with me recently is ‘don’t let a bad moment ruin an otherwise good day.’

Relieved to have found the keys with you,

My Time With You

©2018 My Time With You