~ Written by Danielle N. Bilski ~

I have had a lot of time to reflect on certain things in my life, especially over the last three weeks. A week or so before Easter I was rushing to get a text read for uni so I could enjoy a relaxing four day weekend with my extended family. I also took some time to do something I have wanted to do for a while but hadn’t got around to which was to print out all of these blog posts which I had archived into a singular document over the past two and a half years or so, each time a new one is posted. I placed them all into a display folder and the first person I gave to read them was my mum. She read them all in a matter of a few days and sent me the most heartfelt and moving message on my phone as soon as she finished reading my words, from beginning to end.

Now, I know she is going to be reading these ones as well and I don’t want to make her cry too much, but I do want to acknowledge and thank her for the enormous support she has always been to me and whatever I have chosen to do. She is the one person who I know is there for me when I have wonderful news to share that I feel like I might burst, and similarly she is an unconditional pillar of strength, humility, compassion, honesty, integrity, creativity, love and loyalty. She has given me so much of what and who I am and I couldn’t have achieved anything without the strong foundation and unwavering belief that she has instilled in me. I could never fully or adequately express this verbally, especially without crying so this is the best way I know how to thank her, through my words that I use to capture all of the things I cannot say any other way. Thank you Mum. I love you. I am proud of you. I would be nothing without you. My time with you is the reality of this project and the precious memories with you provide the heart and spirit of my words and my life.

So with a strong foundation, I feel I can now reflect on the experiences over the last three weeks with a profound perspective. Once my mum had finished reading my posts, I lent them to my second cousin who apparently burned her dinner, to say the least because she was reading my blogs and forgot she was cooking. I was flattered that my writing had such a dramatic effect, but I think I still owe her a dinner. Nonetheless, the feedback I received once she had finished reading my work was humbling and extremely appreciated. She even left a beautiful, handwritten note inside the folder for me which is another sign of support that I cherish immensely. If you are reading this, you know who you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for supporting and believing in me.

During the annual Easter weekend with my extended family, a few other people read some of my posts. One of those people was my wise uncle who I spoke about in one of the first pieces I wrote. He had given me a wonderful piece of advice, which I still hold in very high regard. To have him read some of my work and to witness his expression when he realised that I was quoting him was priceless and extremely moving. He gave me some lovely compliments and also a few other pieces of advice. I want to thank him for sharing his wisdom and humor with me. As he was leaving to go home, he made sure to leave me with this poignant adverb –

‘If you love something,
It will come to you.
If it doesn’t,
You don’t really want it.‘

Another special person who read my posts from beginning to end over that weekend was my beautiful Nana. I had sent more than half of them to her in the mail about a year ago so she could read what I had been doing. It was a precious moment to witness her reading the complete journey so far and to share a lovely weekend with her and the rest of our family, in the memory of our Papa who loved and was among those who started the annual family tradition. Thank you Nana. I hope I make you proud. I love you very much and I want you to know that you are a huge part of who I am and aspire to be.

I would also like to thank my beautiful cousin-in-law for sharing her own poetry with me. You are an absolute inspiration, so honest, funny and a pure talent. I cannot wait to attend your book launch and read more of your brilliance. Keep writing!

To spend such quality time with the rest of my family was wonderful and I am so grateful for each and every one of you. You are inspiring in your own unique ways and enrich my life, even in the limited time we get to spend together. We had some fantastic laughs and times of pure joy. Thank you to every single one of you. I love you.

In the few weeks since then, I have undergone an internal battle of when to write another post and what to write about. I even contemplated for a split second leaving the posts where they are and not writing another one, since they already exist in hard copy as a set of 74. How could I make myself write number 75? Well, it was a matter of waiting for the right time. A time when I had something worth writing about and being in a place where I felt I could convey myself in a way that is consistent with the pieces that precede it.

Today is ANZAC Day, 25th April. Last Wednesday, exactly one week ago today, I lit a candle in remembrance of my Papa who passed away eight years ago. The candle burned for twelve hours straight, from 12pm – 12am. On Tuesday night I had spoken to my mum about the impending anniversary of her father’s passing. While I have carried him with me in my mind and my heart every single day since he left this world, it was still a difficult time being reminded of the day… I hope he would be proud of who, what, where and why I am now.

Papa didn’t fight in WWI, however he fought in WWII. Today I will again remember him and all of the men and women who have fought and continue to fight for the rights and freedoms, the values and history of our nation. ‘Lest we forget.’

Over the Easter long weekend, I remember looking around at all of my family and a few times saying to my mum ‘Mum, we’re lucky.’ She agreed wholeheartedly. Today, I echo this sentiment ten-fold!

This past weekend I have also had a personal realisation and minor achievement. I finished reading ‘The Odyssey’ by Homer for uni (an epic poem of more than 12,000 lines and 400 pages) which I was proud to be able to add to my list of read texts for the year. This has taken the total to nine for 2012.

I also worked out that from January 2011 to present (coming up to sixteen months) I have read 38 texts (i.e novels, textbooks, extensive poems and plays). This works out to an average of one text read every week and a half for the last sixteen months, or approximately 64 weeks. I have kept thorough notes on most of the texts and they have also triggered ideas for my own manuscript. It has been an incredible experience and one I aim to continue to add to through uni requirements and personal selections as the year and the course progresses.

There are things that have changed in my life – eight years ago, three weeks ago, today and all of the time in between. These include significant changes such as loss and smaller changes like the weather. I have consciously and consistently reflected on myself, my family, my friends, my work, my achievements and the world in general; the past, present and future.

A few months ago, I was also excited and flattered to be invited to join a group of talented writers who workshop each others’ pieces and share common interests for a two hour meeting, once a month. It was a humbling experience for me to be around other creative writers, especially since I have been undertaking quite a solitary creative project and journey between completing my diploma and starting my manuscript and further academic study. What a welcoming and inspiring group of people, who I am really looking forward to learning from and sharing some quality time with, creatively and socially.

It was difficult for me to begin putting so much of what I have experienced since my last post, into words. Some moments remain indescribable. However, today seemed like an appropriate time to do just that, on such a special occasion that unites our country and as a culmination of some of my own time most recently. I don’t want to seem too nostalgic, but I simply wish to capture and pay tribute to the moments and the memories that place us where we are in the present and carry us towards a future, whatever that might look like.

One thing I have learned is:

‘It is possible to get what you want, but not necessarily in the way, shape or form you expect.‘

How you will remember it; only time will tell.

My time with you

©2012 Danielle N. Bilski